CW: This episode discusses depression, suicide, mental health, alcohol and grief. Myrna recaps 2022 and highlights holiday depression, suicidal ideation, grief, gratitude, Gabor Mate and the healing we need in the legal profession. Caution: she also drops a couple F bombs.
Myrna recaps 2022 and highlights holiday depression, suicidal ideation, grief, gratitude, Gabor Mate and the healing we need in the legal profession. Caution: Myrna also drops a couple F bombs.
🎵 AUDIO/MUSIC CUE🎵
>> Myrna McCallum : I'm Myrna McCallum, Metis Cree lawyer and passionate promoter of Trauma informed layering. Welcome back to the Trauma Informed Lawyer Podcast. As you know, I believe that law schools and bar courses are missing a critical competency requirement in their curriculum. Trauma Informed Lawyering. Becoming a Trauma Informed lawyer will, among other things, challenge you to critically reflect on your personal behaviors, beliefs and biases, call on you to positively transform the way you approach advocacy, guide your practice to avoid doing further harm to others, and ask that you commit to remaining open to learn new and old knowledge you didn't know you needed before beginning your career. Your education starts right here, right now.
🎵 AUDIO/MUSIC CUE🎵
>> Myrna McCallum : Transcripts for season two have been generously sponsored by the BC Law Foundation. Welcome back to another episode of the Trauma Informed Lawyer podcast, Trigger Warning Content Warning. I'm going to talk about loss. I'm going to talk about depression. I'm going to talk about suicide. And if you can't hear those things, which is totally cool, probably just skip, this episode. I recognize that this subject matter is not for everyone, so not a problem. And I wasn't sure that I was even going to drop this episode, talk about this, record this, because it might change the way people view me or view the work I. I do, or the message. I don't know. I mean, there's fear, there's always fear that ride shotgun with vulnerability. And I think today's conversation is going to be a little bit vulnerable and not entirely heavy. So don't worry about that piece. This time of year really sucks for me and it always has. And I don't think I'm the only one who struggles with holiday depression, if we want to call it that. Like, it's not exactly seasonal, but it's always the holidays. And, in previous years, I've been able to put my head down and just work, work, work, and, and, then lift my head up after, after the new year and just keep on writing, you know. And this era, it's particularly hard because, a really important relationship in my life is strained and there's just a lot of uncertainties. So it's hard. Ah, my kids are grown. They're all in relationships of their own. And so I'm back to alone. And that's new. Today's the anniversary of my grandfather's passing. December 29th. He died a long time ago, but unnecessarily. I feel he had just turned 60. He had a heart condition. He wasn't supposed to be drinking alcohol, but a lot of people party in the New Year and Christmas time. And so he was doing that and then he had a heart attack and died. And I truly think it could have been preventable had he just stayed away from alcohol. I mean, granted he didn't drink much, but when he did, man, he drank. And I mean, I feel, I think especially alone because I don't drink and I haven't for several years, and I just choose not to. You know, I don't have a drinking problem, but I know that if I was to drink, it could easily become a problem because, you know, self harm is always in my periphery, it seems, when, I'm consuming alcohol, and that's where it becomes a problem. And for a lot of my family, I, I don't see how alcohol helps us. So I feel kind of alone, especially alone, because I don't go out and get wasted and do all things that people do this time of year. Maybe not all people, but many people. I mean, folks in our profession, we use alcohol to cope and connect. We know this. Stats tell us this. We see it when we look around our profession. Like, there's no denying that there is like a culture of functional alcoholism operating. It's a hard time of year. I also had a sister who was 16 when she died on January 14, 2002. And, her birthday is actually January 1st. So this time of year just kicks up a lot of loss for me. And I grew up in poverty, so it's not like Christmas was ever good, and it's not like there was ever much to celebrate. And it's not like I had, you know, surrounded by loving family. I mean, I have no parents, I don't have grandparents. I don't have siblings anymore. I just now my kids are all grown up and they've got relationships of their own. And that's probably the only time of year I feel lonely. But it'll pass soon because it's December 29, and soon new Year's will come and then it will go. And why am I sharing all of this with you? Because I know I'm not the only one. I know that this time of year is really hard for folks, and not just me, and that we all find ways to try to get through it. Whether it's drinking a ton or binging Netflix or, having sex with folks on, you meet on whatever the apps are. And you know, there's running away and working and there's all kinds of ways in which we shut down, ignore whatever, whatever our heart and our spirit is saying to us. And this year, I'M not working and I'm like, just in it. I'm feeling it because I know in order to heal it, I've got to feel it. I'm just letting it sit with me and it's been really hard. But I also know I'm going to be okay because I have a bit of a practice. Couple things. One is I let myself be in it for a while and then I have a cutoff date after this. That's it. I got to pick myself up, move forward, meet with people again, respond to text messages again, open, up my email. You know, do all like enter the world again. And so today is that day where I'm done feeling sad and letting myself feel really bad. today's that day. I'm done. Time to get on with life and, and move forward and think ahead and think about now and connect with my friends and cry. I cried a little bit today and I really think that for me that allowed me to get, past some stuff that was holding on to me. And honestly, I feel a little bit better. Plus, I went for a little walk with my good friend Margaret. By the way, she makes excellent chocolate. And if you live or work or pass by, Port Moody, she's in the Port Moody area. her shop is called Coco Coco Chocolate. You should check her out. The other piece I think that has been really tough for me is there was a celebrity, a 40 year old celebrity, a dancer who passed away a week or two ago and it was like all over social media, everyone's talking about suicide. And I know for me, as somebody who has had some attempts and has probably thought about it or been conscious of the fact that I could take my life and everything ends since I was six years old. But that conversation, triggered a lot of things. Not just the suicide of my sister, but also my long time belief that suicide is always an option when things get too much. I don't believe that anymore. I think that things get better and we just gotta hold on tight and ride it out and sit with it and be with it and reach out, when we need to. When the fellow killed himself, I just thought, I'm screwed. Why? Because like, if this person could have all of money and fame and wealth and opportunity and is dancing every day on Tick tock and Instagram, well, what hope is there for someone like me who has had to crawl back from these dark, dark places? Like, could something happen to me in a day where I just decide, well, I think that's enough. I'm hopping off The Lionsgate, like, was it that impulsive? Was it a long time plan? I don't, you know, and I'm sure a lot of people thought, well, if that guy does that, what hope is there for me who struggled with this and maybe thought I got past this and, and I get it. And it's scary. I just, you know, I just want to say that sometimes we just have to trust ourselves like that we have to just, we have to just trust that we are going to hold on, that we will always choose life because death is coming for all of us ultimately anyway. And I mean, who am I to like speed that process up? I've got too much to live for and so do you. I think you know that that is going to be a guiding light for me as we go into 2023. And I hope for some of you who struggle with this stuff, it'll be a guiding light for you to. So let me shift a little bit away from this conversation of this topic of grief. And I want to talk a little bit about gratitude because gratitude is my constant salvation. It's the thing that always pulls me out of those dark places. And when I am, struggling like now, I have to shift my focus onto like, what am I grateful for? And I know it sounds so hokey like when we hear Oprah and Mel Robbins and all of these, like, you know, women who are loade and famous talk about gratitude. But I have to say, gratitude helps me out of total darkness. And so it's the little things, right? It's. And it's the big things. I'm grateful for the fact that I live long enough to become a grandmother. I'm grateful for the fact that I made the choice to never drink alcohol again because it doesn't serve me well. I'm grateful that I made the choice to explore what healing could be. I'm, grateful for not giving up on my profession and I'm being a lawyer. I'm grateful for this podcast. I'm grateful for you listening to me. I'm grateful for everyone who engages me. Can I also say in the theme of gratitude, this podcast has been downloaded 92, 407 times. At the point of this recording, I had really hoped to get to a hundred thousand downloads by January 1st. That would have been a really cool thing to celebrate. That's not gonna happen. Doesn't matter because 92,407downloads is pretty awesome. So thank you all. Thank you, thank you, thank you for downloading, listening, sharing. Making this podcast required listening in your chorus you know, PEI Law Society invites me in for their bar chorus to talk about trauma informed lawyering. I'm so grateful to them. And the more law societies and law schools that recognize the subject of trauma informed lawyering or this podcast is essential. Listening just grows my heart, and this is a beautiful thing. So thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm grateful for where I've been in 2022. I mean, this message, this work, this podcast. what I've built has taken me places. I mean, I have yet to be invited to, like, some places I really would love to check out, like Berlin, Amsterdam, the Hague, Switzerland, like, those kinds of places. New Zealand again, Australia. But I got to go to some pretty cool places and meet some super cool people in 2022, including Nunavut. That was awesome. That happened towards the end 2022, that I got to go hang out up there with a bunch of really cool folks. And I've been to Nashville and Hollywood and New Orleans and Ottawa and Nova Scotia and the Yukon. And it's just been so incredibly wonderful to be invited into places and spaces to talk with people who I just never imagined would be interested in the subject of trauma in our profession and how do we do better as lawyers, as judges, as people who make up the system. It's been really incredibly humbling and fun, and it just blows my mind, honestly. What I've built, I've created, blows my mind and, like, the beautiful, wonderful feedback I get from people, the messages, I've become this inspiration, this accidental inspiration for folks. And how could I not be grateful for that one really cool thing, especially, cool thing happened towards the end of 2022 as well. It's a collaboration with Gabor mate. So Gabor has written this book recently called the Myth of Normal. I really recommend everybody go and buy that book and read it. He and I are doing, like, these trauma talks every month for a couple hours for employees at ppsc. And thank you to Prakash Dear, who reached out to me because he loved the conversation that I had with Gabor on this podcast and said, we want you to talk, the two of you, to just talk about trauma again and do it every month for a couple hours for. For a year. And so we started that this month and it was really cool and I think it was well received. And I have asked PPSC if they will allow me to release a recording of that conversation and, of course, an edited version of that conversation on the podcast. And I think they're gonna let me do it. So like, stay tuned, I'll let you know. Well, everyone needs to hear that conversation. Like, it was so good. Another thing that I am super grateful for is a collaboration that I'm doing with, Dr. Amar doll. Amara has been on my podcast. We talked about emotional intelligence and the art of living in 2022. I did a couple trauma informed justice courses online. Amar was one of my guest speakers and talking about emotional intelligence and that went off so well. Like, that chorus has been so well received and I need to figure out a way to offer it a couple times a year, maybe a few times a year, and make it more accessible. And he and I started to talk about how important community is generating community and community of practice and just the profound acts that come from being together with people, like being connect, like physically connecting, sharing space, sharing energy. Right. So he and I decided to create a chorus and we've done that and we're working on all the details, but it's going to be a chorus that we are offering from May 15th to 18th. And it's going to be an educational retreat likely happening up in Whistler, but I won't be able to confirm that until January. And it's going to be in person. It's going to be open to folks if you can come and hang out with us. It's going to be limited though. I think we're only going to allow so many registrants because it's our first in person course. He's going to come over from Australia, so we're going to do a whole trauma informed thing. And yeah, I'm really, really excited to be collaborating with Amar and to be offering our first educational retreat for folks who work within the legal system. And yeah, if you're interested, you know, save the date May 15th to 18th and likely it's going to be here in Whistler. And one of the things that has really inspired that is not just the feedback that I've gotten from the trauma informed justice courses that I've run online, but I've really been thinking a lot about the national study on wellness and the legal profession that was commissioned by the Federation of Law Societies in Canada. And you know, the recommendations, the report are really paint a really stark picture of how we are doing in this profession.
And I think it's one of the, the biggest or maybe the only report that has focused on Canada, like how we're doing here as Canadian lawyers and folks who make up the legal system. The study reported significantly higher levels of psychological distress, depression, anxiety, burnout, suicidal ideation, People leaving the profession, all kinds things and that that risk or that number even is higher for younger professionals and members of equity seeking groups like the queer folks and indigenous folks. So it matters, right? This matters and I think it needs to matter to all of us, particularly those of us who are in leadership positions and the when we talk about the legal community, we're talking about employers and law societies, bar associations, the judiciary, the you know, paralegals like all of these folks, like we're all stakeholders, we all have a stake in this and it would serve us all well if we would prioritize mental health and wellness in our profession, in our world, in our environment. So on December 12th recommendations were released after, sometime after this report was initially publicized. So just in a nutshell, I'm going to read you a little bit of about what they said in terms of what their 10 key recommendations are focusing on. So one is improve preparation of future professionals to support them to deal with psychological health issues. Improve supports and guidance available at ah, entry to the profession. Improve cpd. Improve where relevant, evaluate the implementation of alternative work organization models that limit the impact of certain risk factors on health. Implement actions aimed at destigmatizing mental health issues in the profession. Improve access to health and wellness support resources and break down the barriers that limit access to those resources. Promote diversity in the profession. Revise practices, policies and procedures that may create or include discriminatory biases. Consider the health of legal professionals as integral to legal practice in the justice system. Develop a culture of measurement and foster a better work life balance in the profession. If you want to learn more about this report and its recommendations, you could go to FLSC CA and you can get more information there given that report and its recommendations. The collaboration that Amar and I are offering from May 15th to 18th of 2023 is so incredibly timely because the focus of that particular course is going to be on things like emotional intellig. It's going to be on trauma, burnout, boundaries, like all of these things that can empower us to be better, to do better and to recognize where we need work for our own benefit and the benefit of our clients and our, our colleagues and our communities. Right it like that's everything. Continue to check out my website and my social media feeds in January because Amara and I will be doing an official announcement in early January of this particular course in I said seats are going to be limited so if you want to register you're going to have to get on it right away. I also want to Express gratitude to the BC Law Foundation. I have some awesome news for folks who are checking out my social media and maybe listen to previous episodes. You heard me talk about being a little bit tired, a little run down, a little overextended, overwhelmed at all the projects I had going on, and I was feeling like I didn't have everything I needed to give to do this podcast well. And I was thinking about wrapping up after this season. The BC Law foundation heard that, called me up and said, hold on a second. Your podcast matters and it's doing good work and it's changing lives and we want to help. And they didn't just say it. They actually showed up in a meaningful way. So what has happened? They granted me $21,000 and connected me with Gordon and Ren at Sighted Media.
I'm really excited that we're going to be able to do that work together and that I'm going to be able to have some experience and exposure to how to. How to produce a podcast professionally. And I, I can't say just how over the moon thrilled I am and how much gratitude I have for the B.C. law foundation for believing in me and believing in this podcast. I mean, I can't wait for this podcast to begin to win, awards, because it should. It really should. It. It's changing lives. I know it, I hear about it. I just am so incredibly grateful that the Law foundation believes in me, enough to, to do this work with me in this way. So thank you, BC Law foundation, and, you know, for my loyal listener to be hearing more from me and some remarkable guests throughout 2023. I also want to say I received a couple of awards, towards the end of 2022. Canadian Bar Association, BC Aboriginal Lawyers Forum Special Contributor Award. That's the full title. And while I was in Saskatchewan in the first part of December, the Saskatchewan Ombuds office also gave me an award called the Game Changer Award. I think that's really cool, and I just feel so much gratitude for the recognition that I'm receiving. And 2023 is going to see me traveling, at least in the first few months. I'm. I'm booked to go to Detroit and Minneapolis and Moncton and a few other places. And I'm pretty excited to see where 2023 is going to take me. And I hope that 2023 takes you to some really, really beautiful places. So if this time of year has been really hard for you, like, it's been really hard for me, just know that you're not alone. We're together in that bit.
All right, I'm gonna end there. And I look forward to connecting with everyone in 2023.
And, man, I so look forward to launching season three of this podcast. Like I said, if you want to come and be with me and Dr. Mardol and Whistler from May 15th to 18th, then watch my social media because we'll be announcing all the details very soon. I hope you have a beautiful New Year's Eve, New Year's Day. Take care of yourself. Take care of each other. All right, that's it. Last show of 2022. Thank you all for being with me and, for hanging in listening to my thoughts. And. I feel incredibly inspired and ready to go. And thank you to everyone who's been incredibly patient with me. All right, folks, take care of yourselves. Be good to yourselves. Remember gratitude when grief is overwhelming. This episode was recorded on the traditional ancestral and unceded territory of the Tsleil-Waututh people.